Once again, it has been a little while....
I finally went back to the doctor for a follow-up on my blood work. They drew blood and now that the Serzone has cleared my system, I expected my liver (enzymes) to be at normal functioning levels. This test also came back bad. Enzymes still at elevated levels. Seems like the liver is just not wanting to work.
With all this, I have also fallen a little behind in school. Mainly the online classes I am taking. The art appreciation was simple to catch up on, as most of it is common knowledge for me, or just read and post stuff. Seems like some of my classmates thinks it a challenge, so am very grateful that it is coming easy for me.
My algebra is another story though. The last month or so has really messed with my ability to work math. The withdrawal from the zerzone was pretty severe and the algebra has taken the hardest hit. I am now coming back to a level of reason and am once again able to understand the math and all the accompanying concepts, so am working like a mad man in trying to get caught up. Am really praying that my prof. works with me on this.
In another direction, we, or I should say my good wife, found a 1997 mini-van that has 60k miles on it. A really tough find for a vehicle of this vintage. It is in like new condition, and we managed to get it at a really good deal. God always blesses us in vehicles at a good price......Seems like He points them out to her.
I have also decide to write a book. It is going to be about the process of applying for and getting disability. We struggled with this so much that I believe our knowledge will prove of value to others. I know the confidence and easing of stress it will provide will make it of much value. It really is a very hard process in which so many people have absolutely no understanding. I honestly believe it is meant to be that way.
The elections are drawing close and I am getting anxious to see the outcome. We went to voted early this time because our schedules and finding childcare would have made voting on election day almost impossible. At the courthouse, I was most surprised. It was almost as busy as election day. People are turning out in droves, which I see as a good sign for voter turn-out! Might be a good race!
Until I think of something else to write about.....be blessed!
If you want to be right....then do right!
Friday, October 29, 2004
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Sometimes I laugh
It has been quite an adventure since my last posting.
Will give you the sort run down of it all.
Finally got my back-pay from disability. Was a fairly good sized check, but not as good in size as my bills. I was happy to find out that I have received a $35.00 cost of living raise even before I saw any of it.
I also saw some improvement in my condition with some of the new meds my doc. had prescribed. A lot of the sensitivity to touch, smell, and taste had been controlled; to my delight. Even think that maybe some of the pain was taken away as well.
On the other side of the stick, I went to the doc. last week for my check-up and reported all this to him, and I think he was ok with it (kinda hard to discern what my doc. thinks....he's not the most personable person you might hit if you threw a rock into a crowd). On my way out he wanted me to have some lab-work done just to make sure all was ok, which I did.
Later on that evening, his good nurse Linda called...."your enzyme levels are way out of wack ... the meds are messing with your liver...quit taking the meds.!"
These particular meds she was telling me about are of the caliber that I had to carefully build up to the level I am at, and that I should never ever miss a single dose. Very potent and very addictive. Now it took two month's to get to this point and now they just tell me to quit...
So now I write to you as a person who shakes, skips, and seems to have developed a few new character wrinkles (ticks & quirks) for the time being. All the sensitivities are coming right back!
Here's the kicker! I did a search on this medicine and it has been taken off the market in Canada and I am finding all sorts of information on Liver damage from it, as well as, a plethora of class action law suits I could join, if only I was a friendly neighbor from up north.......
Only my life...
Will give you the sort run down of it all.
Finally got my back-pay from disability. Was a fairly good sized check, but not as good in size as my bills. I was happy to find out that I have received a $35.00 cost of living raise even before I saw any of it.
I also saw some improvement in my condition with some of the new meds my doc. had prescribed. A lot of the sensitivity to touch, smell, and taste had been controlled; to my delight. Even think that maybe some of the pain was taken away as well.
On the other side of the stick, I went to the doc. last week for my check-up and reported all this to him, and I think he was ok with it (kinda hard to discern what my doc. thinks....he's not the most personable person you might hit if you threw a rock into a crowd). On my way out he wanted me to have some lab-work done just to make sure all was ok, which I did.
Later on that evening, his good nurse Linda called...."your enzyme levels are way out of wack ... the meds are messing with your liver...quit taking the meds.!"
These particular meds she was telling me about are of the caliber that I had to carefully build up to the level I am at, and that I should never ever miss a single dose. Very potent and very addictive. Now it took two month's to get to this point and now they just tell me to quit...
So now I write to you as a person who shakes, skips, and seems to have developed a few new character wrinkles (ticks & quirks) for the time being. All the sensitivities are coming right back!
Here's the kicker! I did a search on this medicine and it has been taken off the market in Canada and I am finding all sorts of information on Liver damage from it, as well as, a plethora of class action law suits I could join, if only I was a friendly neighbor from up north.......
Only my life...
Monday, August 30, 2004
Butch the UPS Guy....
Butch just came and left and boy are the kids excited!
Butch our local UPS delivery driver is a very insightful and wise man. As he would say, he is black, but for political correctness I will say he is an Afro-American male. My family and me are mostly white (I am Cherokee Indian) as my wife is just about as European as one could get.
I mention the differences in skin color due to the fact that most of the "long-time" residents of our community are white/Indian, and people different than ourselves are given a long strange look. In this community the Indian segment (which is most everyone) is seperated by their physical look. If you show your Cherokee heritage, you just "ain't the same" as the rest of us. This rule is unspoken of course. We try to live in the "new" time, but our eye's and secret communications reveal our real thoughts. When I say "we", I am talking about the community and not my household.
What is interesting is the fact that with all the poultry production and the need for many workers, our hispanic/immigrant community is growing very fast. It is very common to walk into a local places of business and hear much spanish being spoken. The general concensus is that things would be much better if "they" would just go home. Funny how eagerly we accept their money though.........
This is where you will be able to reason "why" we want to move from this particular area of the country....maybe a county or two over!
Next time!
Butch our local UPS delivery driver is a very insightful and wise man. As he would say, he is black, but for political correctness I will say he is an Afro-American male. My family and me are mostly white (I am Cherokee Indian) as my wife is just about as European as one could get.
I mention the differences in skin color due to the fact that most of the "long-time" residents of our community are white/Indian, and people different than ourselves are given a long strange look. In this community the Indian segment (which is most everyone) is seperated by their physical look. If you show your Cherokee heritage, you just "ain't the same" as the rest of us. This rule is unspoken of course. We try to live in the "new" time, but our eye's and secret communications reveal our real thoughts. When I say "we", I am talking about the community and not my household.
What is interesting is the fact that with all the poultry production and the need for many workers, our hispanic/immigrant community is growing very fast. It is very common to walk into a local places of business and hear much spanish being spoken. The general concensus is that things would be much better if "they" would just go home. Funny how eagerly we accept their money though.........
This is where you will be able to reason "why" we want to move from this particular area of the country....maybe a county or two over!
Next time!
Pondering School...
Once again, it is time to get back into the school mode. Not just for our children who are homeschooled, but for myself as well.
It seems that every day we are receiving packages in the mail containing the curriculum for the kids, and they are quite excited! They do enjoy their education. I myself, on the other hand, am becoming frustrated with the tasks placed before me.
I have gone to the campus bookstore and purchased everything I have needed. Then have returned to return what they sold me that was not necessary. This case was really no one's fault, just happened. Now I find myself having to go back once again to exchange my algebra text bundle as I was sold the one for the "in-class" course and not "online". In all this I am falling behind in the class.
What really gets me is the fact that I am a middle age man who knows what he wants out of life, but am having to take classes such as this in order to gain the degree I want. Not to say that Algebra is not important, as I have had to fall back on it on many occasions, but it is totally unrelated to my current direction.
Direction? Yes I do have a direction! I am seeking double major's in both communications and history. I love them both, and am yet to find a relationship between math, biology, or philosophy, and most especially introduction to computers! Math....well I have been involved in corporate finance and planning, built extremely intricate spreadsheets and such for some of the world's largest corporations, and can figure my checkbook just fine! Biology, to be honest, I can eat just fine, my eyes and ears work, know where babies come from, and am quite content with what I know in this area. Philosophy? Everybody has one, and only a fool will not take the time to study and understand those of their neighbors on their own. And finally, the computer......not even going to touch that one!
Back to my direction...My intentions are to get a Masters in Communication and a doctorate in History. I love history, love reading it, talking about it, and just pondering history and it's impact on both the past and the future occupies much of my thoughts and always have. I want to read, teach, and write history! As far as communications go, I love the fact that so much can be given through the conduit of communication, and I intend to be as proficient in it as I can possibly be.
Here's the point of my gripe session. Why am I being forced to take so many classes at my age that are not related to my intended outcome? Time and Money are two very important things at this stage in my life. Got the wife and a pile of kids to feed and tend too, and they are both very valuable to me at the present.
Would love to see the American education system learn to survey the needs of those who are paying their way...
Enough griping for now...lol.....will probably have much more to gripe about later!
It seems that every day we are receiving packages in the mail containing the curriculum for the kids, and they are quite excited! They do enjoy their education. I myself, on the other hand, am becoming frustrated with the tasks placed before me.
I have gone to the campus bookstore and purchased everything I have needed. Then have returned to return what they sold me that was not necessary. This case was really no one's fault, just happened. Now I find myself having to go back once again to exchange my algebra text bundle as I was sold the one for the "in-class" course and not "online". In all this I am falling behind in the class.
What really gets me is the fact that I am a middle age man who knows what he wants out of life, but am having to take classes such as this in order to gain the degree I want. Not to say that Algebra is not important, as I have had to fall back on it on many occasions, but it is totally unrelated to my current direction.
Direction? Yes I do have a direction! I am seeking double major's in both communications and history. I love them both, and am yet to find a relationship between math, biology, or philosophy, and most especially introduction to computers! Math....well I have been involved in corporate finance and planning, built extremely intricate spreadsheets and such for some of the world's largest corporations, and can figure my checkbook just fine! Biology, to be honest, I can eat just fine, my eyes and ears work, know where babies come from, and am quite content with what I know in this area. Philosophy? Everybody has one, and only a fool will not take the time to study and understand those of their neighbors on their own. And finally, the computer......not even going to touch that one!
Back to my direction...My intentions are to get a Masters in Communication and a doctorate in History. I love history, love reading it, talking about it, and just pondering history and it's impact on both the past and the future occupies much of my thoughts and always have. I want to read, teach, and write history! As far as communications go, I love the fact that so much can be given through the conduit of communication, and I intend to be as proficient in it as I can possibly be.
Here's the point of my gripe session. Why am I being forced to take so many classes at my age that are not related to my intended outcome? Time and Money are two very important things at this stage in my life. Got the wife and a pile of kids to feed and tend too, and they are both very valuable to me at the present.
Would love to see the American education system learn to survey the needs of those who are paying their way...
Enough griping for now...lol.....will probably have much more to gripe about later!
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
The Fat Man Melts Away Into Reality...
The last few days have been wonderful! Temps in the 70's and lower 80's....my kind of weather! Now it seems like the weather is trying to match the season as we are moving back into the 90's.
Have been thinking much about how my plans and my realities behave much like the weather. Plans have been what one would expect, but realities are more like the extremes of.... of weather...either freezing cold or blistering hot.
Plan:
Reality:
Managed to get a good job early on, was moving up the ladder, married a genius beauty queen, and had a baby son on the way. Had the starter home and good cars. Life was on Track!
During wife's pregnancy, we were in an automoblie accident and long story short, damaged spine meant long rehab time and in the process was replaced at work....no job, in addition to having to deal with a certain degree of disability. Son was born three months after accident. I was now the stay-at-home dad as wife made the income...Life was off track!
After a year, managed to get a job that didn't pay much but did help my self-esteem. This job was really physically demanding and took much out of me due to physical condition, but served to heal my spirit somewhat. Later I left this job and went into business with an associate, which proved to be a very bad move. We had different agenda's; he wanted to get by financially and I wanted to secure financial security for the future. I ended up breaking the association and was again without income for family. Was on-track for awhile, then suddenly jumps track again, but, I could at least see the track.
About a month later I land a job working with disabled and handicapped people. Absolutely loved it, but the pay simply was not there. I worked my way up the ladder to a position of second in command with a promise of taking lead position when present boss retired. The pay rose sharply as well and life seemed to be ontrack again!
While working at this job, I was hit by a car while trying to get an intoxicated girl out of a busy hiway. Fives surgeries and a month in the hospital, I came out more disabled. Job was still there due to the nature of the business....good thing.
Was still in "starter" home and drove older vehicles, but hope was in the air! Wife really wanted to move to a larger home, but I kept putting her off till the top position at work was mine. "Pay bills off now and invest with more clout later." Seemed like a good plan to me...Yeah, that was the plan.
When my boss finally retired after grooming me somewhat, I was set for the new position, but another man "fairly new" had managed to politic his way into the position and shortly shared that he had every intention of firing me as soon as possible. I did manage to stay until about a year after his appointment,when the company closed it's doors. Not part of the plan at all! I was now moving closer to middle age and my body was deteriorating due to all the damage and resulting disease. I did manage to draw unemployment and sent out probably 300 resume's which resulted in two interviews one call to a second interview and no job. I was too old, too gimped and too undereducated to hire. My train was not only off-track, but my train had fallen over the side of a bridge...
What to do:
I had now fallen to a level below anything I could have ever envisioned. Throughout my whole adult life, every last plan I tried had come unravelled...At this low point I had to do something so I applied for disability insurance and was twice denied, got an attorney and appealed. I also went to state rehab services and found that they would help me go to college which I did. I was now doing something and was feeling like I somewhat resembled my vision of manhood, but not fully there yet.
I worked hard in school, managed to get good grades (4.0), went to all the right doctors, got all the right meds, and physical condition kept getting worse. The appeal was once again denied and we filed for a hearing before a judge. A very long wait and things started looking very bad...
Finally in June we had the hearing and the Judge granted me the disability insurance. My condition combined with the meds is continuing to cause me much pain and mental impairment, yet still I go...waiting for disability to start, loving my family, and going to college (praying for the ability to complete).
Hopefully my reality will turn for the good and I will somehow find a niche in this world of ours...
Have been thinking much about how my plans and my realities behave much like the weather. Plans have been what one would expect, but realities are more like the extremes of.... of weather...either freezing cold or blistering hot.
Plan:
Work hard, move up the ladder in industry, get the old retirement plan running (have our own business) and live life out to the end with a certain amount of security. By now we would moved from the two bedroom starter home to a three bedroom family home and at the moment we should be in a large custom home built to fit family and allow some room for convenience.
The next phase would have been to buy a couple of vacation homes sometime in the next ten years or so then retire, get the RV and take the grandkids hopping around the country, with an end of leaving some form of legacy and resource for the descendants.
Reality:
Managed to get a good job early on, was moving up the ladder, married a genius beauty queen, and had a baby son on the way. Had the starter home and good cars. Life was on Track!
During wife's pregnancy, we were in an automoblie accident and long story short, damaged spine meant long rehab time and in the process was replaced at work....no job, in addition to having to deal with a certain degree of disability. Son was born three months after accident. I was now the stay-at-home dad as wife made the income...Life was off track!
After a year, managed to get a job that didn't pay much but did help my self-esteem. This job was really physically demanding and took much out of me due to physical condition, but served to heal my spirit somewhat. Later I left this job and went into business with an associate, which proved to be a very bad move. We had different agenda's; he wanted to get by financially and I wanted to secure financial security for the future. I ended up breaking the association and was again without income for family. Was on-track for awhile, then suddenly jumps track again, but, I could at least see the track.
About a month later I land a job working with disabled and handicapped people. Absolutely loved it, but the pay simply was not there. I worked my way up the ladder to a position of second in command with a promise of taking lead position when present boss retired. The pay rose sharply as well and life seemed to be ontrack again!
While working at this job, I was hit by a car while trying to get an intoxicated girl out of a busy hiway. Fives surgeries and a month in the hospital, I came out more disabled. Job was still there due to the nature of the business....good thing.
Was still in "starter" home and drove older vehicles, but hope was in the air! Wife really wanted to move to a larger home, but I kept putting her off till the top position at work was mine. "Pay bills off now and invest with more clout later." Seemed like a good plan to me...Yeah, that was the plan.
When my boss finally retired after grooming me somewhat, I was set for the new position, but another man "fairly new" had managed to politic his way into the position and shortly shared that he had every intention of firing me as soon as possible. I did manage to stay until about a year after his appointment,when the company closed it's doors. Not part of the plan at all! I was now moving closer to middle age and my body was deteriorating due to all the damage and resulting disease. I did manage to draw unemployment and sent out probably 300 resume's which resulted in two interviews one call to a second interview and no job. I was too old, too gimped and too undereducated to hire. My train was not only off-track, but my train had fallen over the side of a bridge...
What to do:
I had now fallen to a level below anything I could have ever envisioned. Throughout my whole adult life, every last plan I tried had come unravelled...At this low point I had to do something so I applied for disability insurance and was twice denied, got an attorney and appealed. I also went to state rehab services and found that they would help me go to college which I did. I was now doing something and was feeling like I somewhat resembled my vision of manhood, but not fully there yet.
I worked hard in school, managed to get good grades (4.0), went to all the right doctors, got all the right meds, and physical condition kept getting worse. The appeal was once again denied and we filed for a hearing before a judge. A very long wait and things started looking very bad...
Finally in June we had the hearing and the Judge granted me the disability insurance. My condition combined with the meds is continuing to cause me much pain and mental impairment, yet still I go...waiting for disability to start, loving my family, and going to college (praying for the ability to complete).
Hopefully my reality will turn for the good and I will somehow find a niche in this world of ours...
Saturday, July 31, 2004
A Thorn Named "Fibro"
Today I am hating on my condition "Fibromyalgia".
The Docs have prescribed ever increasing strengths of narcotics which WILL control the pain....Guess what? They are not working....The pain is like being squeezed, pinched, burned and stabbed all at the same time and at various trigger points.
Not a happy Redneck right now!
I wonder how everyone else with painful conditions deal with it?
The Docs have prescribed ever increasing strengths of narcotics which WILL control the pain....Guess what? They are not working....The pain is like being squeezed, pinched, burned and stabbed all at the same time and at various trigger points.
Not a happy Redneck right now!
I wonder how everyone else with painful conditions deal with it?
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Cancer Calls Forth the Titan
One of my former schoolmates has over the last few years been fighting breast cancer and it finally went into remission this last year. All was looking good!
I just found out that she started having trouble seeing and in investigation, they found stage 4 brain cancer. She is having to make trips to Houston Texas for monthly treatments, which is proving very costly to the family, yet what are they to do? A good husband and two children make up her family and it has to be so hard for them.
I have found that in these trials, the family is in just as much a battle as the one under attack. Children will summon up strength rarely seen by those war heroes one reads about, yet remain under the cloak of age and ignorance. The spouse strongly stands while being riddle with the bullet holes of doubt, why, and how, yet still they stand for all to lean on. And finally the one who holds the battle within seems to almost transcend the allowances of a mere mortal. Their courage soon becomes that of a titan who knows no defeat.
I have to wonder about and admire those who face such adversity. The lot they drew in life has shown a fight indeed, but has given proof that life is indeed of much value...
If we all had the easy walk, would we be any richer as a society? Would compassion and caring even exist? Maybe the lack of appreciation would extend war and violence, and in this, bring about the titans. In either case, it appears that heroes are a vital part of any society, by man or nature, some will have no other course than one of fire......
Walk on....
I just found out that she started having trouble seeing and in investigation, they found stage 4 brain cancer. She is having to make trips to Houston Texas for monthly treatments, which is proving very costly to the family, yet what are they to do? A good husband and two children make up her family and it has to be so hard for them.
I have found that in these trials, the family is in just as much a battle as the one under attack. Children will summon up strength rarely seen by those war heroes one reads about, yet remain under the cloak of age and ignorance. The spouse strongly stands while being riddle with the bullet holes of doubt, why, and how, yet still they stand for all to lean on. And finally the one who holds the battle within seems to almost transcend the allowances of a mere mortal. Their courage soon becomes that of a titan who knows no defeat.
I have to wonder about and admire those who face such adversity. The lot they drew in life has shown a fight indeed, but has given proof that life is indeed of much value...
If we all had the easy walk, would we be any richer as a society? Would compassion and caring even exist? Maybe the lack of appreciation would extend war and violence, and in this, bring about the titans. In either case, it appears that heroes are a vital part of any society, by man or nature, some will have no other course than one of fire......
Walk on....
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